Hoarding: A Decade Later

I am writing my first addition to this blog since 2012. I had to reactive my blog.  It was like opening a time capsule! I perused my old blogs, of which there were very few to begin with.  I don't even remember writing these, but for sure those photos are of my old house so those must have been written by me! 

Somewhere around a decade ago, I came to the slow realization that I was hoarder.  Before that, I never gave much thought to the condition or even the word.  I was simply a collector who had too much stuff.  Simple, right?  I had never seen any hoarding reality shows or read any books or articles.  I was googling how to organize and de-clutter.  The further I dug, the more I realized I had a problem.  I also realized I was not alone.

 So now that a decade has passed, how is it going?  Well...it could be better.  It could also be a lot worse. It has been a lot worse.  I know that those times are behind me.  I have greatly improved by pinpointing what my worst habits were.

 1.  SHOPPING!  This has many temptations for me! 

 Things I want but don't need.  The deal is just TOO GOOD to pass up. I won't be able to find this later. I can resell this. The current ease of online shopping.  Need I say it? Two day free shipping.  Many more variations on this sad theme!

2.  FEAR!  Yes, much of my hoarding was related to fear and insecurity.

 Not having something I need.  I might never find this again. Not being able to replace an item that might become unavailable. Buy it while I have money, I may be broke later.  Regret over getting rid of things!  I was afraid to let them go.

3.  WASTE!  I do NOT believe in waste!

 I felt the extreme need to save things!  How can you let that be wasted?  Whether it was food or furniture, I hated waste. Part of this is environmental--humans as a whole are extremely wasteful, especially Americans.  Don't deny it!  I could never throw anything away unless it absolutely could not be used. Didn't matter whether or not I needed it or could even use it.  I felt the need to "rescue" things others discarded.  When I see people throwing perfectly good things away, it really bothered me. Still does. But I no longer bring those things home. 

4.  PERFECTIONISM!  This could be an entire blog on it's own.  I can't complete it, or move on until it is perfect.

This does not mean I am "cured".  I have improved, but nowhere near where I want to be.  Changing your behavior is a long and difficult path. To succeed, I had to let go of some of my beliefs.   I had to learn to throw things away. I still care about the environment, but I cannot keep a roomful of stuff only to prevent it from going to the landfill.  I cannot keep the entire kitchen counter filled with objects that need to be cleaned for recycling.  I do what I can, but I have to do what is best for me too.  I have been able to reach a happy medium with this.

If I continue to blog, I will write about my coping mechanisms for dealing with my hoarding triggers.  For example, for sorting out my junk, I printed large signs for myself with some basic rules, reminders to keep me focused. Phrases like:  nobody wants broken and dirty items, and if it only costs a few dollars, throw it away, and, the ultimate goal is to be proud of my home!  They say that hoarding is a disease.  I guess.  I am not a doctor.  I know it is definitely an addiction.  Behavior has to change. You could throw everything in your house away and fill it back up in a month if you don't CHANGE.  The struggle is real.  And it continues.  My house was foreclosed 2 years ago.  I now live in a single wide manufactured home.  I dream of attics, closets, garages.  Storage units are another dream of the past, I was laid off and it's a luxury I can no longer afford. My newest venture is to relieve myself of the burdens from my storage unit.  Yes, of course it is all here now--because I couldn't just throw it all away.  Work in progress.  I am trying my best.